It is the opinion of this parliament that we must make a choice this offseason as to how to proceed with three corner defensive positions that all relate to each other. They relate, of course, because of the interchangeability of some of the defenders of said corner positions.

I must warn the right honorable gentlemen, and ladies, that the house has before it three choices, nay four, of how to proceed with the outfield. And the choice they make this offseason will not be easy to untangle, unless they want to receive scathing rebukes from ministers opposite and Fleet Street alike.

Please, MPs, do survey the following options and then vote at the bottom of the page.

Option 1 shall be known as the “Ye Ole Tory,” or the status quo scenario. In this one, Adam LaRoche leaves, Bryce Harper stays in LF, Jayson Werth stays in RF and Ryan Zimmerman is your new 1B. Certainly a difficult grouping for even the toughest pace bowlers.


Option 2 is hereby decreed as the “Dodgy Pitch Switch.” Here, Zim plays the cold corner (nobody calls it that), while Harper and Werth switch places, as the RF spot usually goes to the guy with the better arm.


Option 3 henceforth and forthwith shall be known only as the old “Knackered Bloke.” It fully acknowledges Werth’s declining defensive capabilities and presumes Zim would have more range in the outfield, sacrificing arm for range there.


Option 4 is one we’ll call the “Minger Collywobbles”, wherein the Nats re-sign LaRoche, either via his option or, less likely, via a qualifying offer. In order to make room for him, they take up Denard Span‘s relatively inexpensive option and then trade him, as Sean McNally pondered earlier, because letting him simply walk is probably not as valuable. Harper moves to center, and his dream defensive alignment from earlier this season comes to pass.


So there you go, vote for your favorite option.


By Charlie