The Nationals Journal was nice enough to post a link to a completely insane interview with Nyjer Morgan today. If you’re not fully awake yet, I wouldn’t recommend reading it. Maybe after lunch. The interview was a waste of time if you’re into stats, gleaning any real info about the team, or silly stuff like that. But if you want the REAL news, that is, what Nyjer Morgan calls everyone on the team, here’s your run-down:

Nyjer Morgan: “Tony Plush” (of course)

Ian Desmond: “Hee-Sop’s Fables”

Ryan Zimmerman: “The Franchise” (aka “Peter Franchise”)

Adam Dunn: “Freddie Physical” (no longer “The Big Donkey”, he’s too athletic for that name)

Justin Maxwell: “Maxi Priest

Josh Willingham: “The Judge” (referred to in the past as “Judge Wapner”, because he lays down the law)

Center Field: Morgantown

Right Field: Willie’s Wampaland

Nationals Park: “SWATland” (because you’re gonna get swatted when you come in here)

This is important stuff to know, I’m sure. Also, if you want to endear yourself, at least to the outfielders, instead of clapping for them (or, let’s say, in addition to clapping for them), make sure you give them a salute.

By Charlie